Ask Amy: Mother-in-law can't get a word in edgewise
-- Tired Ears
Dear Tired: Realistically you will not be able to change your daughter-in-law's overall behavior, but you should establish some healthy boundaries - always making sure to convey your affection for her.
The one aspect of this that you should shut down thoroughly is her complaining about your son. Not only because he is your son, but because in doing so, she is involving you in her marriage.
I take it as a given that she is venting, and is not seeking (nor would she listen to) any feedback, advice or suggested solutions from you.
When this starts, you should tell her, "I've asked you before, and you don't seem to have heard me. You know I'm very fond of you. But I simply CANNOT handle venting about my son. It is affecting the way I feel about both of you. You're going to have to find another way to deal with your problems with him. Do you understand my need here?" (Wait for her answer.) "Will you respect this?" (Wait for her answer.)
If she vents during the next call, you will have to interrupt: "Oops. Maybe you forgot our last conversation so let's change the subject."
And yes - otherwise, only talk to her when you have the energy for a lengthy update. Let her leave a message and you can call her back when you're ready, relaxed, and hydrated.
Dear Amy: Before we all went on "pause" due to the COVID-19 emergency, I needed a haircut, so I checked in at the counter of a local chain.
They required my phone number. Because I get a number of unknown calls, I told them I can't give them my number. They called the manager. After holding steadfast, they put in some other number.
A few days later at a restaurant my wife and I went to put our names on the waiting list and again they asked for my number. I said, "I will just sit right here and wait -- you don't need to call me."
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