Ask Amy: Problem drinking creates problems in marriage
Dear Amy: I am 63 and my husband (of six years) is 67. He drinks every night. Most nights he drinks to the point of stumbling, and not recalling what he says or does.
He says he doesn't remember his actions because he was so tired, not because he was so drunk.
In recent years he gets so negative and grumpy in the evening, it really is quite difficult to ignore, and takes a toll on me -- emotionally and physically.
He refuses to admit he has a problem, let alone seek help.
I am at a loss as to how to stay focused on me, and on keeping healthy and happy in my own life, despite the choices he's making for his life.
Divorce, right now, seems very difficult due to the virus and stock market losses, and resulting large losses of our retirement funds.
Is there anything I can do to work on getting and keeping myself happy, despite my environment at home?
-- Worried
Dear Worried: I'm so sorry you are trapped with a husband who is both in the grip of alcohol and in a state of denial regarding the impact his drinking has on both of you. Obviously, if he is drinking to the point of intoxication every night, he is at increased risk for accidents and falls, in addition to the toll his drinking is taking on his marriage - and I assume, other relationships.
You should do your very best to steer clear of him when he's drinking. Retreat to another room with some reading, crafts, or entertainment. Connect with friends and family. Do not engage with him when he is drunk.
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