Ask Amy: Sexless marriage worries wife
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been together for about 10 years. Ever since having our son four years ago, the thought of physical contact with him makes me cringe. He's a good-looking man, a great dad, and a hard worker, but something about him makes me not want to be intimate with him.
We both have very strong personalities, so we butt heads, but it's not like we have fights. My reaction to him is mainly along the line of those internal "Ugh, he's clueless" thoughts. I don't know what to do.
We have sex about four times a year! And even THAT is a struggle for me.
I know that can't be healthy or normal. Help!
-- Clueless
Dear Clueless: Your sexless marriage is probably more "normal" than you realize.
The first thing you should do is to see your doctor. Your libido issues might be caused by a hormonal imbalance or other medical problem.
You say that there is something about your husband that turns you off, but you should also take a deep and honest self-inventory.
The accepted relationship wisdom is that connection starts with communication, but before you can communicate effectively with your husband, you need to try to understand your own motivations, and answer questions about your own intimate identity, including your sexual identity.
The two hardest questions for any of us to answer are: "Who am I?" and "What do I want?" For many women, the answer to these important questions shifts with the advent of motherhood.
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