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Ask Amy: New husband wrestles with old problems

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I married my wife a few months ago. She and I have been friends for 33 years.

She has three sons, ages 22, 17, and 15.

For the most part, they are all good kids, however, they have never been given any responsibilities. Ever. Our house constantly looks like a war zone - there are clothes everywhere, dishes in the sink, and they wrestle with each other until all hours of the night.

I tried to put my foot down and assign responsibilities and chores for them to help us out, but they never follow through. My wife and I are constantly picking up, cooking, and then cleaning up after them.

I am burnt out!

The oldest has recently dropped out of college and lives with us, paying no expenses. I think he should be paying rent and his car insurance since he is no longer in school, but his mother won't have it.

 

We are struggling to pay our bills, and this is causing friction between us. I get upset with the kids, and then my wife gets upset at me for saying something to them.

Am I wrong for feeling angry? How do I get my wife to cut the cord and realize that I am just trying to help them to become responsible adults...?

-- Mr. Nice Guy

Dear Mr. Nice Guy: The dynamic you describe was already established when you chose to officially enter the family. If you hoped that things would magically change when you got married, then - well, you were wrong.

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