Ask Amy: Sandwich issue brings Costanza to mind
Dear Wondering: Asperger's is not an illness or disease. It is simply a unique way of thinking, seeing, and interacting.
Yes, you should share your insight with your husband. Manage your expectations when you do.
You have to imagine that your husband might wonder why his own (normal, to him) behavior has been misinterpreted by you -- and others -- throughout his lifetime.
I have heard from many people over the years who say that an adult diagnosis of Asperger's has been revelatory and ultimately liberating.
Don't present this as: "Ah-ha! I finally know what's WRONG with you!" Pose this as a possibility: "I've been reading about Asperger's. Have you ever read about it? Some of this information reminded me of you, and I feel like I understand you a little better."
Dear Amy: "Upset" was concerned about her best friend hanging out with Upset's abusive former boyfriend.
I am now free from a marriage that held similar circumstances. While kindness is very important to me, I've learned its equally important (and incredibly freeing) to no longer be passive when it comes to my safety or needs.
Being kindly direct with people can really go a long way. Upset should say: "You know my history with him. Your friendship with him makes me feel very unsafe. I've loved our friendship, but if you are going to rub shoulders with him, you and I can no longer be friends."
-- Healthy After Abuse
Dear Healthy: This is empowering. Thank you.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
