ArcaMax

Recently I told my son to tell this kid that it's his turn to host (this was communicated via text message when the boys were making plans for that evening).

The boy responded that his parents were out of town. My son tells me that he and the other boys talk about the issue, but not in front of the no-host kid.

I know the mom, but not well.

What would you suggest?

-- Fed Up Parent

Dear Fed Up: You absolutely do not want your son and his friends to spend the night at the home of parents who a) aren't home, or b) don't want them.

Fourteen-year-olds are not in charge of overnights at their households. You should not pressure your son to pressure this boy to host this revolving overnight.

You should assume that this particular teen probably has a very good reason (probably overlapping reasons) not to want to host this group. His folks might be hoarders, drinkers, disruptive, ill, abusive, night-shift workers or -- any combination of a myriad of possibilities.

This friendship with this particular friend group might be the very best thing in this boy's life, and his presence in your (and other) homes might be a lifesaver for him.

I know it's a lot of work. I know it's an annoying burden. But within a couple of years, all of this will be over. I hope you will continue to model generous and loving parenting -- whenever possible -- to your son and his friends.

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