Ask Amy: Daughter from Dysfunction Junction ponders status
Dear Amy: Growing up, my mother clearly dictated our relationship.
She was the authoritarian figure and I was the obedient daughter.
We were never best friends because she could not be level-headed and provide guidance. Instead, she was always a disciplinarian and a "Wait until your father hears about this" kind of mother.
My mother approached me (I'm 34 years old) about why we don't have a "best friends" relationship. She noticed that her friends are "BFFs" with their daughters.
I was blunt. I told her that she was at fault for setting those boundaries and not providing a level-headed atmosphere at home. I said I was OK with our relationship because I know I could not change her.
My father says it has emotionally affected her to the point where she sees a counselor on a regular basis.
My father says she will not accept any responsibility, and it is my responsibility to start the conversation and to accept the blame.
She has never accepted fault over any situation, regardless of her actions or words.
I told my father that I will not accept the blame (this time) and will not have the conversation because it will go nowhere. I'm indifferent.
I'm not sure if there is anything I can do to positively change our relationship without taking all the blame. What can I do?
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