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Ask Amy: DNA match creates cousin confusion

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I agree with how you've handled this. You chose to register on this site and communicate with this long-lost cousin. Your other relatives have not made the same choice, and you don't have the right to reveal their identities without permission.

You could force this issue into the open by saying to your relatives: "I have been contacted by a previously unknown cousin through a DNA site. She is eager to reach out to other family members. If you are interested in communicating with her, let me know and I will give you her contact information."

I'm not advocating for this approach, but it is an option that offers your relatives the same choice you have faced.

You could also reach out to your cousin again in order to stay in touch, without changing your own choice about disclosure.

Dear Amy: My co-workers all have children or grandchildren. My husband and I never had children (medical issues).

Most of my friends and co-workers were determined to get out of school, get married and have a baby! Me? I wanted to travel and do things I wanted to do before I got married. And I did!

 

Having a baby was never on my radar. Oh, I figured I would want a baby one day, but it wasn't a priority.

I'm the type of person where I see dogs that are around me before I see the cute baby. And, please, don't show me a video of your kid learning to run or dancing. No thanks!

My problem is that when my friends talk about babysitting their grandchildren (which I think they do too often -- they can't seem to say no to their kids!) my eyes tend to glaze over, and I zone out.

At work when co-workers start talking about their kids or grandkids, I have the same reaction. Usually I just go back to my office.

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