Ask Amy: Colleague worries about co-worker's return
Dear Amy: I work at a small law firm where we are treated more as family than employees. One of our hardest working, most dedicated, and passionate employees tried to kill himself a few days ago.
We are all saddened by the news, relieved that he wasn't successful, and shocked because we had no idea he was suffering.
His job here is secure, and hopefully he will be coming back.
My question is selfish. What do I say to him the next time we meet? We are friendly, but not exactly close. I want to be respectful of his privacy, but I also want to let him know he is valued. Should I just pretend that nothing happened?
-- Tightrope Walker
Dear Walker: If your colleague returns to work, I assume that he will feel more on a tightrope than anyone. He might be most relieved to be greeted with a sincere: "Wow, we missed you. Welcome back, pal. I'm so happy you're here."
After a mental health crisis, people feel on stage. It can be a relief to step back into the world and reintegrate into life's more normal rhythms and quotidian concerns.
You want to be the person who doesn't dwell on his personal drama -- the person who will allow him to move forward, without a lot of prurient curiosity or judgment attached.
Of course, if he initiates a conversation about his challenges, listen sympathetically, don't offer up any comparisons to other people or situations, don't pile on any advice, and simply -- accept him as he is.
Dear Amy: Several months ago, my personal physician abruptly canceled all her appointments and was absent from the office for three months.
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