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Ask Amy: Tired senior needs a little self-care

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My husband and I (both retired seniors) belong to a service club. He joined well before I did.

After a few years of membership, I realized I would have been happier to just stay on the sidelines, but I hung in there because it was important to my husband for us to do things together.

I served in various capacities in our club and spent years in executive positions. I have now been doing this for 10 years. The last few meetings I attended were (to me) especially unpleasant and stressful.

I told my husband I am thinking of resigning as a member. He was initially understanding, but then he got upset and threatened to also resign if I did -- his reasoning being: "We don't do enough things together."

In reality we never do much of anything separately, and it is sometimes stifling.

Before we retired, he was a member of this service club by himself. We are also members of one other club, which we both enjoy and would not think of leaving. We also travel together.

 

At this point in my old age, I just want to reduce stress and unpleasantness as much as I can. My health is not the best, I have serious family obligations, and want to look after myself.

Am I really being selfish? Where do I draw the line?

-- Stressed Out

Dear Stressed: This reminds me of the old joke: A couple is asked how often they have sex. The husband says, "Almost never -- like once a week!," while the wife says, "All the time -- like once a week!" You two have different perceptions of "togetherness."

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