Ask Amy: Political differences puzzle and muzzle friend
Dear Amy: This summer, I chose to invite lifelong friends for a week at a mountain cabin.
Knowing that they are ultra-conservative and evangelical, I decided to keep my mouth shut and listen.
Listening became difficult when I was sitting at a table in the main room and the other two, not far away in the sitting area, engaged in a critical dissection of a former neighbor's marriage to another woman (and their new son).
I said nothing, but I found it puzzling, as well as offensive, since the woman discussed happens to be my cousin.
Why would anyone do such a thing? I was sitting six feet behind them. I said nothing. It still upsets me.
-- Puzzled in North Carolina
Dear Puzzled: I support your idea to engage in some active listening, which can help to promote tolerance and understanding.
The "shutting up" part of your program makes no sense to me, however.
Your scenario presupposes that remaining silent while overhearing people critically "dissect" a family member is somehow worse than passively listening while the same people express bigotry toward strangers.
Why didn't you speak up? Why didn't you ever speak up?
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