ArcaMax

Dear Worried: Overall, your judgment (your children are wonderful/his are awful) reveals a lack of empathy toward a set of young people who may be hurting, lashing out, or perennially angry. Where is your empathy? Where is your kindness?

If you have been in this man's life for eight years, and his kids are in college, then the two of you have had plenty of time to try to influence these young people.

If your boyfriend didn't influence them because he let someone else (presumably his ex-wife) raise them, then he's a neglectful parent.

If your boyfriend did raise them, then he's a deeply flawed parent. And in letting his children reject you, he's demonstrating that he's a flawed partner, too.

Many college-age people go through a self-centered jerky phase. It is possible that these young adults are still maturing, and may actually grow and change.

However, the person at the center of this maelstrom is your boyfriend -- not his kids. For whatever reason (probably many different reasons), he has not been an effective and positive influence. And because you are so judgmental and their father is so passive, these young people have no motivation to change.

When you think about your future, take these last eight years and then lay another two decades or so out in front of you. You will be facing a lot of rejection, a lot of frustration, and the burden of your own harsh judgment. That's a lot to manage.

Dear Amy: As we disconnect our land lines, cellphones are the main communication device for most of us.

There used to be an unwritten rule not to call someone after 10 PM.

What is the proper etiquette on people sending text messages and making cellphone calls?

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