Ask Amy: Almost-ex-wife wants to warn the next woman
However, I believe that ANY couple that manages to stay together for such a long time -- through thick and thin (and thick again) -- should be celebrated on whatever timeline works well for the clan. One year here, one year there -- none of this is going to matter when you gather to recognize the full and rich reality of a very long (and sometimes imperfect) union.
The tricky math here will give all of you some talking points during your toasts to the couple. Keep it good-natured, and celebrate.
Dear Amy: "Grounded" described her life, working full time while her spouse (retired early) travels the world without her, spending down their nest egg in the process.
I think Grounded should consider using the phrase I have picked up from a local financial planning advertisement: "Retirement is just unemployment without the paycheck."
Unfortunately, life is expensive.
I would also suggest she seek out some counseling, as I have finally done, to work through the resentment of having to work after watching the nest egg we had set aside dwindle to nothing. All of this has been happening while we still owe a substantial amount on our home.
In my case, my husband didn't travel, but due to poor health he just sat at home on the computer with a credit card to keep himself occupied.
And yes, I should have been more aware, but I had confidence that he was watching out for our financial health. How wrong I was!
I am well into my senior years, so it gets even harder to go to work every day (both physically and mentally), but such is life.
-- Exhausted
Dear Exhausted: I can absolutely feel your exhaustion as you describe your life.
Now that you know what is going on, please do everything possible to mitigate your current situation. Meet with a financial counselor or social worker to see what you can do to safeguard your income in order to try to secure a more stable future. Given that the real estate market seems fairly robust right now, it might be wisest to sell your home, pay off your loan, and relocate to something smaller.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
