Ask Amy: Spouse is ensnared in alarming marriage
Dear Amy: I met my husband at my workplace.
After three years of dating, we recently got married. Now, our workplace has become really stressful.
I have wanted to quit my job and change jobs for the past year, but when I brought this up, my husband (who was still my boyfriend at the time) was against it. I thought he was probably just being possessive.
After we got married, he still went deathly cold on me if I so much as mentioned quitting. The situation has become so bizarre that he won't even go to the office without me.
What is the psychology behind this behavior?
-- Newlywed
Dear Newlywed: When it comes to relationships, I seldom react with total certitude, because I acknowledge that most relationships are complex, layered, and -- with effort -- are often reparable.
However, I am alarmed by your situation. I believe that you should not only leave your job, but you should also leave this relationship -- and take extreme care when you do so, because -- based only on what you report -- this is a risky and potentially dangerous situation for you.
The psychology behind your husband's behavior is fairly transparent. Yes, he is being possessive. Now that you are married, he feels entitled to clamp down on his possessiveness, which has morphed into extreme control.
Given the dynamic in your marriage, you should take steps to avoid getting pregnant. Pregnancy and a child would likely delay or prevent your exit.
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