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Ask Amy: Adult child packs bags for guilt trip

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I am 33. My parents split up when I was 10, but I am still close to both. My dad remarried when I was 12. My mom has not remarried or dated anyone since their divorce.

My problem is that mom pressures me to see her all the time. My dad doesn't guilt me at all.

The pressure was easy to manage in the past because she lived only an hour away and we could meet for lunch, etc. Last year she moved six hours away and now our visits end up lasting a whole weekend.

She wants us to get together all the time (every other month), and I feel so much pressure to do that. In between visits, she goes on about how she misses me, and when I do visit she will talk about how the visit was too short.

I know I sound like a spoiled brat. I feel this huge amount of guilt from her and I can't just tell her, "I've had my fill of you. How about we get together in five months?" -- but this is really what I want.

I sometimes even think about how the guilt would go away when she passes away. I get upset because I have these terrible thoughts. I love my mom very much. I like spending time with her.

 

We have talked about how the visits are too often for me, but the guilt is ALWAYS there, so then I just give in to the visits to relieve the guilt.

How do I either cope with this guilt, or slow down the visits without crushing my mom? I feel so bad because she doesn't have a companion like my dad does.

-- Guilted

Dear Guilted: Your mother doesn't have a companion, but if she did, would she miss you any less? I don't think so.

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