Ask Amy: Married couple has a taste for wedding cake
Dear Wife Material: Asking a widower to refer to his deceased wife as his "ex-wife" ... lacks compassion -- at the very least. Yes, he could have referred to her as his "late-wife," but, according to you, they were still married when she died, so she would not be an ex-wife.
Overall, unless you are in a serious relationship with someone, you really don't have the right to control his verbiage regarding current (or former) family members.
Dear Amy: As someone who has worked the front desk at a hotel in a metropolitan area for nine years, I would like to offer a response to " Stressed Server."
When an unhappy guest is raising their voice and/or speaking abusively to me, I take a deep breath, wait for them to finish their rant and then tell them, " I'm sorry, I don't like the way you are speaking to me. When you can speak in a calm voice, I will help you." It's a good idea to practice this speech at home so you can say it with authority.
-- Seen It All
Dear Seen It: "Stressed Server" was responding to online ratings, but I appreciate your advice for in-person interactions.