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Ask Amy: Woman is warned that boyfriend is bi

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I have been with my current boyfriend for a year. After hitting it off at a party, he immediately asked me out. He seemed very into me during the initial dating phase, and then we made it official in April.

Halfway through the summer he admitted to me that, based on his "behavior with guys at parties," he thought he was bisexual. Although he says he has never been in a relationship with a man, or (apparently) had sex with a man, he claimed that his feelings toward men had been increasing and leaving him feeling overwhelmed with erotic fantasies.

I can't help but feel duped by the fact that he waited to tell me this -- until I told him I loved him.

He has been yo-yo-ing between wanting to be in a relationship with me and breaking up, because he says he doesn't know whether he could pursue a long-term relationship with anyone until he knew more about his sexuality.

In the past, we have spoken about moving in together. We have even speculated about what our children might look like. Now I feel very hurt and confused.

We have also spoken about breaking up to enable him to explore his sexuality. I would find being in an open relationship emotionally destructive.

 

I don't know whether encouraging him to stay with me is selfish, as it is not allowing him the space to discover who he really is.

I am lost, hurt, confused, and I don't know what to do. What's your take? Am I being too close-minded?

-- Lost

Dear Lost: You don't sound close-minded, and you don't sound particularly selfish. You sound like someone who is trying very hard to be in a steady and monogamous relationship with a man who is telling you -- every way he knows how -- that he wants (and needs) to explore.

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