Life Advice

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Health

Shopper is bothered by pushy offers of help

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: No matter how much I try to work through this, I am stuck.

I'm in my 60s. From an illness (polio) when I was an infant, I walk with a very noticeable limp, and I often use a cane or crutches. I have a career, lovely children and grandchildren, and good friends. I travel and live independently by myself.

However, I often receive unwanted and unwelcome advice from strangers, who make assumptions regarding my physical capabilities.

For instance, when shopping for groceries, I am often told about motorized carts for my use. I generally thank them, but I always turn them down, saying that I prefer pushing a cart and getting some exercise.

Sometimes that ends the conversation, but more often than not, there is pushback, asking me if I'm sure, etc.

I find myself getting angry. I try to be civil, when I'm raging on the inside. Then I fume to myself all the way home and beyond. I then feel guilty about getting angry. How can I let go of my anger and accept that people's unsolicited advice is more about them than about me?

 

I've been dealing with this my whole life. You would think that I would have figured this out by now.

I'd appreciate your advice.

-- Tired and Frustrated

Dear Tired: You know you cannot control the spontaneous behavior of strangers. I (also) cannot convince people to leave you alone, and so I'm going to suggest that you try something called cognitive (or "positive") reframing.

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