Man worries about coming out to his girlfriend
Can you help?
-- Upset
Dear Upset: You are conflating two challenging experiences: breaking up with a longtime partner and confronting your instincts about your own sexuality. The two challenges are related, but you might do better and be less overwhelmed if you approach them separately.
Yes, ending your relationship will be very hard to do. Your girlfriend will likely be hurt and disappointed, but perhaps -- not quite surprised.
I don't think it is necessary for you to discuss your sexuality with your girlfriend, until you feel emotionally ready. However, remember that she loves and also likes you. Depending on the kind of person she is, she may be able to love and support you through this. She could continue in friendship with you, as an ally.
It is not necessary for you to disclose your sexuality to your friends or family until you are more experienced and feel emotionally ready to do so. Coming out is a process, and it begins with you acknowledging to yourself that you want to live authentically, and that you have a human right to do so. As hard as it is, and no matter how others react to it, your bravery will liberate you.
The Human Rights Campaign (hrc.org) offers a supportive, comprehensive guide to the coming out process, which I know you would find helpful.
They note: "There is no right or wrong way to come out or live openly. ... You decide how, where and when, based on what's right for you."
Dear Amy: For the first time in my life, I find myself facing the prospect of spending Christmas entirely by myself.
Unfortunately, a surprise expense scuppered my plans to go to my home of origin and I have no close friends within a day's drive.
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