Friendship breakup continues to wound
I recently was seeing someone who slightly knows my older brother, "Drew." This set her off: "Don't sleep with him right away! You don't want people talking about Drew's sister 'like that.' I know how you are; you move too fast. Men won't respect you."
Amy, I've never shared information with her about my sex life specifically, so these comments are uncalled for.
She says the same thing every time we talk about dating, yet dispels none of this advice to my brothers. Yet she's always asking me when I'm going to finally "find a boyfriend."
When I tell her that her comments hurt me, she usually apologizes. But once we talk about my dating life again, the comments start all over again.
I love sharing things with my mom. Do I have to stop now?
-- Shamed but not Ashamed
Dear Shamed: Your mother seems to have a retrograde response to dating and relationships. But you already know this, because she is your mother.
Being an adult in your childhood household brings with it many challenges (for everyone). Now that you are back home, you should put up some reasonable boundaries to protect both of you from the judgment your mother can't help but supply, as well as the way it makes you feel when she does.
You can do this by not discussing your private, romantic, sex or dating life with her. Your mother is not your bestie. She is your meddlesome mother. When she asks when you'll get a boyfriend, tell her "Mom, if and when I do, you'll be among the first to know."
Dear Amy: "Concerned Friend," was upset when her friend moved into senior housing and was forced by her daughter to surrender her car.
I'd like to emphasize that many of us who live in senior housing drive, and drive safely!
-- Senior, Safe Driver
Dear Driver: Family members sometimes accelerate the "no driving" decision out of an overabundance of concern and control.