Life Advice



Wedding showers become 'save me' memes

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I've attended several wedding showers recently where the groom stands around looking bored, posts to social media things like, "Save me," and the attendees offer "condolences" that he has to spend his day with only women.

I realize these things are meant in jest, but after witnessing this over and over again, it gets irritating.

We women are an important part of the bride and groom's life and have taken a day out of our busy lives to celebrate them and shower them with gifts.

And I've got news for the groom -- these showers aren't always fun for us, either! How many silly games can one person play?

But I'd never post an image saying "save me" just because I'm sick of small talk. Coming from a female attendee, that'd be seen as impolite.

Do you agree that this is rude, underlying sexism? Or am I being too sensitive?


-- Save Me

Dear Save Me: Back in the day, "wedding showers" were called "bridal showers," and were attended only by women. The prospective groom would sometimes duck in near the end of the event as a "surprise," and basically do his rooster dance in the henhouse. The whole thing was a reenactment of traditional gender roles and people mainly played their part. (Like many people, I have never enjoyed these particular rituals and despite two marriages, I have never agreed to a shower.)

If you are attending "wedding" (not "bridal") showers, then shouldn't other male friends also be included? Aren't men an important part of weddings?

Sadly, the answer is "not really," because while we are currently in a transition phase of finding new ways to form families and to celebrate them, we are still clinging to antiquated rituals, including ways to get people to give us gifts when we don't really need them.


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