When the DNA matches, but the values don't
Here is how you could start: "I'd like to talk to you about something you said, which has been bothering me. I want you to know that I know and love many gay people. Given our huge DNA sisterhood, we likely have gay family members. I'm hoping to inspire you to open your heart a little bit. Can we talk about this?"
You both deserve a lot of credit for taking on the big and emotional challenge of building a sibling relationship with one another. I hope that you can arrange visits in order to explore one another's worlds.
Dear Amy: My best friend of 15 years (recently divorced) disclosed to me that she is carrying on a relationship with a married man. She claims the man is in a loveless marriage but does not want to leave his wife because his two children are in school. She is OK with waiting and "seeing what happens."
I am at a loss with what to do with this information moving forward. It bothers me deeply on a moral level. I know life isn't black and white and I try not to judge others, but all I can think about is this man's poor wife and children. I told my friend that they are being selfish, and that cheating is wrong.
That being said, my friend is like a sister to me and I love her unconditionally. I don't know this man or his family, but now I have been roped in to keeping this secret, too. The whole thing is weighing heavily on my mind.
What to do?
-- A Troubled Friend
Dear Troubled: You don't say how or why you need to keep this secret, and one thing you can do is to tell your friend, "What you do is your business, but I'm not going to aid, abet, or lie for you."
Dear Amy: I LOVED the question (and your answer) to "Stressed Server," the café worker who was freaked out by negative reviews on rating sites.
It reminded me of the great sidewalk sign posted outside a café in South Africa: "Come and try the worst coffee one woman on TripAdvisor had in her life."
-- Not Stressed
Dear Not: When in doubt, OWN it.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
