Eccentric in-law is invited to shut up
Surely, no loss is as great as the one experienced by a parent losing a child. The very structure of this loss seems to upend the natural order.
I'm not sure you can console your mother into "moving on." Learning (after her death) about the challenges and mistakes your sister made might plunge your mother into rethinking or regretting some of her own choices as a parent. Every competent and caring parent takes on the responsibility of caring for and protecting their child. Your mother might be wrestling with a sense of deep failure, layered on top of her grief.
Let her talk. Project an attitude of openness, even if you are frustrated.
Introduce her to a circle of her peers who have experienced similar loss. The organization Compassionate Friends offers just this sort of support. Check their website: compassionatefriends.org, read through their online material, and find a local meeting for your mother. If you contact the organization directly, they will provide a packet of materials to send to you.
Dear Amy: How dare you insist that people must suppress their constitutionally protected right to free speech at the dinner table -- just because their opinion is unpopular?
-- Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: People have the right to speak, but sometimes -- at group dinners -- it is wiser to keep the peace, while they pass the peas.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
