ArcaMax

You don't mention your spouse or partner here, but if your partner is on the scene, they may be able to gently and respectfully influence their father to modulate his behavior when he is around your family.

Also -- because you are so fond of him, if he attends, make sure he is seated near you. You might be able to steer him to conform closer to the dynamic at the family table.

I think you should say to your brother, "I don't want to tell my father-in-law to keep his mouth shut and stop being weird, so -- if you don't want to invite him, you should tell me now."

Fellowship surrounding the holiday season should involve a level of patience toward the quirky, the eccentric, and the misbegotten. It is not enough to merely issue an invitation -- both hosts and guests should work extra-hard to be inclusive, well-behaved, and kind to one another.

Dear Amy: My younger sister passed away last year, and it hit both my mother and me by surprise.

I have accepted the loss, even though I've learned that she lied to both of us multiple times, was hanging out with disturbing people, and was not taking care of herself.

My mother, on the other hand, is still having the hardest time getting over her.

I am sure it is a different feeling losing a sibling, as compared to a mother losing a daughter, but I was wondering if there is any way I can console my mother into moving on.

-- Troubled

Dear Troubled: People seem to respond to loss across a wide spectrum, and each person grieves in their own way.

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