Friend weighs reaction to relationship rescue
I would have loved to be able to do what she's doing.
-- Stumped in Alabama
Dear Stumped: Many moons ago, (pre-child), I interrupted my career for a period where I spent my time taking care of myself, husband, hearth and home.
When asked what I did for a living, I would respond that I was a "housewife," which seemed to annoy people, who tended to respond with a version of: "Oh, I'm sure you're not just a housewife."
I think the term "housewife" is loaded for some people because it describes someone who is defining herself through an inanimate object (house) and another person (wife). But I liked the term, partly because I liked the life. When my "housewife" descriptor bugged people, I would correct it and say, "Sorry, I mean 'domestic engineer.'"
It is NOT written anywhere that a person must define their value only outside the home. I was raised by a hardworking and professionally successful single mother, who always said her favorite and most rewarding job was during those years when she was exclusively tending to home and family.
You cannot change the way people react to the way you describe your daughter's life.
The point is that no one who likes her honest, productive and fulfilling life should feel the need to apologize for it.
Nor should you.
Dear Amy: A woman signing her letter "Protected Secret" wondered how to disclose her long-ago rape to her fiancé.
Thank you so much for your compassionate answer. I had a similar dark secret and chose to disclose it through writing a letter, which I asked my boyfriend to read. He is now my husband.
-- Been There
Dear Been There: I like your approach.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
