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Friend weighs reaction to relationship rescue

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

You cannot physically remove your friend from this abusive relationship, and so your task is to love her as much and as well as you can -- patiently and without judgment.

Enabling can sometimes feel like rescue, and you should learn the difference. But yes, when she reaches out for "rescue," you should do your best to respond.

Tell her you are worried about her. Tell her you are there for her. Tell her this doesn't change the way you feel about her. Ask her if she is ready to get professional help, and then have the address and number for the Domestic Violence Hotline on hand: thehotline.org (or call 800-799-7233).

Dear Amy: My daughter is 32 years old. She and my son-in-law tied the knot recently after six years together.

He was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer last year. They lived 700 miles away from us, but recently moved back home. He is doing well with his treatments and is progressing better than expected.

I am sure my daughter being present and supportive is a huge part of his medical success. She didn't work before he was diagnosed -- and still doesn't.

 

He has been able to continue to work throughout, so they are solid financially. People often ask me what she "does." Does she work outside the home? No. She works in her home; she's a housewife. She takes care of the house, her husband, their animals, etc.

I find myself being dumbfounded by the responses I get when I tell people that.

Where is it written that a woman has to work outside the home to be valuable?

I am becoming defensive. How can I answer this question differently in order to get a different reaction? It really irritates me. What's wrong with being a housewife or a stay-at-home mom?

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