ArcaMax

I saw Lexie recently and she told me something Eliza said that really hurt her feelings. She took Eliza to brunch and offered to show her some of her favorite places around the city to meet new people.

Eliza said she couldn't do what Lexie does: i.e. she couldn't go home with random strangers and sleep with them! What a horrible thing to say!

I'm so embarrassed that my friend would say this, and I'm sad that Lexie had to hear it.

Should I say something to Eliza about this?

Should I end my friendship with Eliza for such an awful comment?

How should I respond to this?

-- Friend Matcher

Dear Friend Matcher: When you set up two people for meeting and possible friendship, you're taking a bit of a social risk. It's not a hugely high-stakes risk, but it is a generous and thoughtful act, and you have a personal interest in the outcome.

The friendship between "Eliza" and "Lexie" is obviously a nonstarter because of Eliza's rudeness. Lexie can handle herself in the unlikely event that Eliza seeks her out for continuing friendship.

Yes, this sort of rudeness toward an old friend would be a friendship-interrupter, if not a friendship-ender. Did Eliza think she was joking when she made this comment? Was there something about the context of the comment that might explain or excuse it?

Without making too many assumptions ahead of time, you should ask her. You can then choose to accept or reject her explanation, and then make your own choice about moving forward in friendship.

Dear Amy: Like other readers, I'm upset by you claiming that various people are "racist." Wow -- it's easy for you to throw this word around. I suggest you do more to discourage this way of thinking.

-- Upset

Dear Upset: Well, I call it like I see it. I think it is important to confront some hard truths in order to do better. In my most recent response regarding racism, I quoted the Dali Lama: "Dividing the world into 'us and them' might have worked in the past, but it doesn't work anymore. We have to talk through our problems with our opponents, thinking of them as fellow human beings."

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)