Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

Errant husband stresses sick wife

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I have been married for over 20 years. Seven years ago, my husband withdrew a large amount of cash, went on a business trip, and started cheating on me with prostitutes.

I also found out that he has been on many porn sites throughout our marriage. I hoped he would stop and come back to me. He did not. We filed for divorce.

It has been on again, off again, and we have tried to divorce three times. Each time at the 11th hour, he says he wants to stay together. And each time, I say yes. After the last try three years ago, he swore he was done "with that lifestyle." At the same time, he gave me an STI.

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage III cancer. The odds are not in my favor. This particular type of cancer has only a 12 percent five-year survival rate. I am unsure what to do. I don't think I can ever really trust him again. I am worried he is just waiting for me to die to inherit my money so he can start up his sordid "lifestyle" again.

We have two adult children who live close by. We purchased a retirement home 90 miles away. I'm not sure I want to move there, away from my children, away from my friends, away from the hospital where I continue to be monitored.

I assume my husband is hiding texts, porn sites, who knows what, on his phone that I can't access. I really have no idea what our financial situation is. He may be hiding hundreds of thousands of dollars. I think that I must do the same! But due to my health, I've stopped working and have no income -- only savings.

 

If a friend came to me with this story, I would probably tell her to leave her husband, but what about health insurance or dying alone?

What's your advice? Should I divorce him and stay closer to my children, who are in college but may move away when they graduate?

-- Sad in Silicon Valley

Dear Sad: It's time to Thelma and Louise the heck out of this.

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