Life Advice



Woman in love, may have to come out twice

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I am a woman questioning my sexuality. I have been married to a man for over 20 years and we have children together. (I have not told my husband about my struggles, as he is homophobic.)

This has been a difficult and confusing time for me, and I have been in therapy throughout. My therapist says it's common for women to discover this in their 40s -- to realize they are attracted to another woman, even though they may have been married to a man for many years.

I am in love with a friend -- a woman. I was attracted to her before we became friends.

We are very close but have only known each other for about a year. We are both going through divorces. (She recently found out that her husband is trans, and gay.)

We see each other nearly every day. We go out to dinner, movies, plays, museums, etc. as friends. I have never felt closer to another woman. We get along well and have so much fun together. Sometimes I think she feels the same way about me.

I recently came out to her, but through choking words and sobbing. I'm not sure she understood what I was saying. I did not exactly say, "I am gay." She never brought it up after that, but for me, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.


I feel like a hypocrite giving her advice about her husband. I want her to be able to lean on me through good and bad times.

Should I tell her my true feelings?

-- Confused

Dear Confused: Coming out is a process, and you're in the midst of it. You will continue to express your truth to various people in various ways over this transitional period.


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