Mom wants 'frumpy' daughter to snag a man
Dear Mom: Wow, mom. Your question reads like something pulled from the wayback machine -- when mothers encouraged, coached, or bullied their daughters on how to catch a man. (In the movie version of this, Joan Crawford might play you.)
Your daughter might be lonely, but maybe she doesn't want to date men. Or she might want to date men but perhaps NOT the ones who pass through your trade school. At 24, with full access to options and information, she should be free to make her own choices about how she wants to look and dress.
You've already deployed the nuclear option by being flat-out rude about her looks. I wish you would imagine the impact of this on her. Of course, the pressure you are exerting is not helping her. In fact, it is hurting her. Your description of her comportment and dress is of someone who is trying to be invisible.
If you can't love your own daughter as she is, then how will she gain the confidence to find someone else who loves her as she is?
Ideally, home and family should be a safe harbor from the slings and arrows of the rest of the world. Or, as my mother used to say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." (Yes, her silence sometimes spoke volumes.)
Your daughter should seek gainful and fulfilling employment, concentrate on her professional and personal development, work on her peer-friendships, and move away from your orbit. These are the only life-skills you should be passing along.
Dear Amy: I have a close cousin. We practically grew up together. We've always gotten along very well.
For the last several years, we have said that we wanted to go on a vacation together. Well, we finally did it!
Amy, it was kind of a nightmare. "Clara" was overbearing, bossy, wanted to sleep late and party later. She decided to basically chain smoke (I didn't know she smoked), was rude to staff, and very messy.
I was hoping to go on walks together, do some bird-watching, and just basically enjoy each other's company.
...continued
