ArcaMax

Once you became aware of this happening in your own household, your job was to educate, explain, and teach him to empathize. Does your son walk around school using curse words that he has likely heard, either at home or through media? I gather not. And that's because he has absorbed the concept that some words are "adult" or "hurtful."

I suggest you stop anchoring to your own victimhood. Your child seems to have done a good job of admitting, apologizing, and moving on. You haven't admitted, apologized, or moved on. Where did he learn this? In your house!

Self-identifying as "steadfast liberals" doesn't mean anything. You are going to have to try harder. In addition to reading multicultural books and attending multicultural events, how about you actually try to get to know some flesh-and-blood "multicultural" people who might be willing to sit with you in order to explain how they experience the world?

Dear Amy: Many years ago, my (late) wife and I adopted and raised our nephew. I just returned from my 50th high school reunion. While there, I learned that my nephew's biological father may still be alive.

Over the years many signs led us to presume he was deceased.

One of my old classmates said he spotted the man on local TV, when the station was doing a report on homelessness.

So far, I'm the only one in my family that knows this. I have one sibling who still lives in the same city where he was presumably spotted.

Do I pass this information on to them, so that they can look into it? Do I tell my sister, who is my adopted son's biological mother? Do I tell my son? Or do I tell no one and keep my own counsel on this delicate matter?

-- Flummoxed Father

Dear Flummoxed: You should not keep this to yourself. You should disclose this to your son, and you should work with him to try to locate his biological father, if he wants. Give him time to think about this, encourage him to talk about it, and support his choices.

I disagree that this is a delicate matter. Nor should this be treated like some kind of shameful secret. This is life, and this is how things sometimes turn out. You should do your best to be honest, truthful, and transparent.

Dear Amy: "Not Sure" detailed a college roommate dilemma. Two of the three roommates seemed polite. The other, "K" was a jerk. Amy, I wholeheartedly agreed with your entire response until you got to the end of your answer where you suggested that "K" might be better off joining a fraternity. That's not fair.

-- Upset

Dear Upset: Some readers have accused me of having an "anti-frat" bias. I cop to that. I also have an anti-jerk bias.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)