Groomsman says 'I do' to the bride
Dear Amy: I'm in love with my best friend's fiancée, and I'm set to be a groomsman at their wedding.
I met the bride in college. We worked together. After months of office flirting, we spent a night together. I told her how I felt, and she reciprocated. However, the next day I got a "can we act like that didn't happen and just be friends" text. I respected her request.
Many months later, we met our new co-worker. He and I became good friends. A year in, they started seeing one another. Despite being best friends, I never told him or anyone how I felt about her. I didn't want to admit I was still holding onto one night from several years ago.
I moved away in an effort to distance myself from the relationship, but remained great friends to both. After years of turning down potential partners, I decided I deserved to be happy. I dated a woman for four years, and while I loved her very much, it never matched what I feel for the bride.
Months will go by where I don't think about her. But when I go back to visit, or if she's brought up in conversation, I realize the feelings are still there.
So, here I am, seven years into this ridiculous infatuation. The groom is like a brother to me and I think they're great together. I have no delusions about a future with her. I just want to be able to move on.
Can I gain closure without coming clean to the bride or groom? Because I fear to do so would end both relationships completely.
Dear Groomsman: This is basically the plot from "Four Weddings and a Funeral," but I assume the outcome would be different, because life is not always like a movie. When you ponder the concept of "coming clean," you have to also ask yourself: "What good would it do?" The answer here is "none."
One way to gain closure would be for you to witness the wedding, and make a conscious choice to finally close the book on your infatuation. You've been moving toward this for several years, and you have largely been successful.