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Father-in-law wants to issue premarital warning

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

My understanding of NPD is that it is everything you describe -- and also unfortunately resistant to treatment, because the behavior carries along with it a profound arrogance. People who have this push and punish, and then gaslight their partner. It is characterized by the toxic combination of rage, and a lack of empathy.

I suggest you seek professional therapy on your own behalf and make a decision about what to do with your own life.

I have this book on my shelf, and recommend it for you: "Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist," by Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D. (2017. Post Hill Press).

In terms of warning your daughter's future husband, you could frame it like this: "Caroline's mother and I have an extremely challenging marriage. I am seeking professional help to come to terms with her behavior and how it has affected me. Unfortunately, I see some of the same behavior with Caroline. I want the best for both of you, and all I can say is that I wish someone had talked to me about this before I took the big step of marriage. Of course, I support you as my future son-in-law, and I'm here for you if ever you need me."

He will most likely reject this. When this conversation gets back to your daughter and wife, you will be belittled and blamed. Only undertake this task if you feel prepared and can do so safely.

Dear Amy: My wife and I, who have been married 40 years and have raised eight kids, live in Minnesota and are now happy empty-nesters.

 

Summers aren't long around here, and since we have no kids at home, I love to walk around the house naked when the weather is hot (our nearest neighbors are a quarter-mile away, and no one can see in our windows).

My wife seems to have gotten very prudish in her old age and balks at seeing me nude, even though in years past we used to shower together.

I love the feeling of the air all over my body. Should I stand my ground anyway, or be content to roam around the upper floors of the house naked, where she can't see me?

-- Nature Boy

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