Abuse survivor went through it and is now over it
Often she will stand behind me (and others) and massage necks and rub backs.
I have tried moving away or withdrawing, but it persists. Several of my family members have complained to each other, but we don't want to create friction.
I should mention that as a survivor of sexual assault I also feel triggered by unwanted touch.
How can I address this problem without offending or creating a rift?
-- Auntie Hands Off
Dear Hands Off: It might be a case of personal preference, but yes, being kissed on the lips or massaged by someone's auntie would definitely be a "no go" for me.
Because this woman doesn't read physical cues or body language, please -- instead of avoiding her or complaining about her to others -- give her the courtesy of verbally letting her know that you don't want to be touched in that way.
You say, "Oh, Belle, so nice to see you. But please don't massage my neck and shoulders. Come sit next to me and tell me how you are."
Dear Amy: I disagreed with your response to "Concerned Cousin," who was conceived through sperm donation and now wanted to tell her cousin that she was conceived the same way.
When will people get the memo: This is none of your business?!
-- Upset
Dear Upset: A person's DNA IS the very definition of their "business." This cousin thought her aunt and uncle should not keep this important information from their (adult) child, and I agree.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
