Life Advice

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Health

Abuse survivor went through it and is now over it

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I am much happier with my immediate family and without the old family ties, so how can I make this nagging issue go away?

-- Contented

Dear Contented: Congratulations on being officially Over It.

You say you are contented now, and so the last thing I would want to do would be to try to "cure" your contentment.

Your narrative illustrates the heartbreaking generational fracturing caused by extreme dysfunction.

Yes, you should carry on, determined to be better and to do better than the generation that raised you. And yes, you should certainly encourage any family member to reach out toward your older brother on their own accord.

 

Things might go well for them, and, if so, great! Or they might fly a little too close to the family flame and also get burned. But your own children (for instance) might be better equipped to handle this, because they weren't exposed to this abuse during their own childhoods, and because they were raised by you in a higher-functioning and healthier home.

You can't make this nagging issue go away. But you can cope with it, safe in the knowledge that you are taking good care of yourself.

Dear Amy: I recently attended my nephew's wedding, which was also an occasion to get together with members of his father's family. While we didn't grow up together, I feel close to this family and really enjoy our celebrations and gatherings -- with one exception.

One of his aunts is extremely "touch/feely." She seems incapable of reading subtle cues. She doesn't recognize personal boundaries. She gives uncomfortably lengthy hugs, and kisses male family members on the mouth.

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