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Toxic in-laws endanger allergic family member

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

This has caused a huge wedge between my husband's family and us.

We no longer spend holidays with them, and rarely speak.

They don't get to see their grandkids. His sister stopped talking to us. He has a brother who still reaches out and is kind to us, but he acts as though his parents are just set in their ways and we should forgive them and move on.

Short of taking them a doctor's note, telling them my allergy is real, I'm not sure what to do.

My husband supports me 100 percent and he is very angry and hurt by their actions, but at times I feel terrible that I am the cause of this rift. I want everyone to be happy.

-- Disrespected DIL

 

Dear Disrespected: Given the way these people behave, I doubt a doctor's note would have any effect on them. They are either willfully and woefully ignorant of the life-threatening aspects of your serious food allergy, or they are simply mean and willing to endanger you.

You are not the cause of this rift. They are.

Yes, they are not likely to change, so I suppose you could make the effort to forgive them and move on. But in moving on, you will not be moving toward them, because it is dangerous for you to do so. (If only there were an EpiPen for toxic in-laws!)

If your in-laws wanted to have contact with you, your husband, and their grandchildren, it would be very easy for them to do so -- at your house, at a neutral location, or at any of the myriad occasions in a family's life (sporting events, outings, concerts) not involving food.

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