Professor wants to be rid of racist books
Forgiveness after such an undeserved betrayal is a very heavy lift. If you and your wife want to stay married -- for whatever reason -- she must share this burden with you. This means that she should admit, apologize, ask for forgiveness, and make amends. In this context, amends would involve a stated, steady desire to regain your trust, as well as working with you to repair the damage to your marriage.
A therapist can work with the two of you if you choose to attempt to repair your relationship; a therapist working with you alone can help you to cope with this betrayal.
Dear Amy: "Worried" had the gall to speculate about a baby's DNA and racial heritage, and then was stupid enough to ask, "Am I terrible for thinking this?"
I was cheering when I read the first line of your answer: "Yes, you're pretty terrible."
As the parent of biracial siblings who have very different skin tone from each other, I appreciate that you seem to understand the nuance of skin color.
-- Proud Parent
Dear Proud: Thank you. Even if I didn't understand racial nuance, I definitely know when something isn't anyone else's business.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
