Parents want passive son-in-law to step up
Dear Amy: My family is complex. I have a biological mother and three older siblings (ages 26, 23 and 22).
My biological father died over 10 years ago, and I do not know how many siblings I have on his side.
Then I have the people I choose to call "mom and dad." They have been there for me more in the almost three years I have known them than my biological family has in my entire 20 years on this planet.
I feel like I owe my biological mother because she gave birth to me, but she has caused me a lot of emotional and psychological turmoil.
Am I right for wanting to distance myself from her toxic personality, and move toward the people who I choose (they also chose me) to call my family?
-- Turmoil In Pennsylvania
Dear Turmoil: Many people with challenging, toxic, emotionally abusive or violent childhoods basically celebrate liberation from their birth families by developing a family of choice in their adulthood.
You are lucky to have found yours.
Dear Amy: In your pathetic response to "Tired Mom," you wrote "You get parenting props for merely hanging in there and not giving up."
Really? This is the standard for parenting teenagers?
-- Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: As I wrote in my answer, "Teens require as much attention as toddlers." Unfortunately, many parents completely disengage during the challenging teen years. And yes, "hanging in there" is sometimes the best we can do.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
