Tips on how to handle a drama machine
Unfortunately, honesty ("You're indiscreet and so I want to keep our relationship casual") will be conflated by her into a feud of some kind, and so the best technique is to deflect, and/or ghost.
When "Emma" appeals to you or solicits anything personal, you should either not respond, or delay responding. When you do, resort to something opaque and noncommittal like, "Umm, interesting question; I don't really have anything to add." If she wants to get together, you should claim to be busy, tired, or binge-watching an about-to-expire program. You should not gossip about or offer up any opinions about her to the group.
In short, back away slowly, and then keep your distance.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for eight years. We have three kids together.
Recently, he left his social media account open. I snooped (and know it was wrong). I learned that he is trying to reconnect with former high school girl friends by inviting them to lunch/dinner. He was not going to tell me about this.
It has been over 20 years since these friendships have had any merit, and in my opinion, I do not see the point. In fact, with as much public social media postings we all see, I feel that he has already caught up with their lives.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you think I'm overreacting?
Should he reconnect with the old friends (single or married)?
-- Wondering
Dear Wondering: Yes, your husband should reconnect with old friends, if he wants to. You should, too! But these reconnections should be conducted in full view of the family.
I infer from your question that your husband is private-messaging various people (only women, it seems) and inviting them to private get-togethers. That's not cool. The optics, as it were, are not good.
Transparency is important in marriage, if for no other reason than to avoid this sort of dust-up. You two should talk about this. You can start by copping to viewing his private messages. He may try to make the whole conversation about that. If you stay calm and don't get defensive, he will have his say, and then you can have yours.
Dear Amy: I've grown very tired of your continuing focus on LGBTQ issues. This is a small segment of the population and you give them too much weight in your column.
-- Upset
Dear Upset: Happy Pride month! People are people, and human relationships have resonance far beyond a person's sexuality. If you can't recognize fellowship, then you're just not trying hard enough.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
