ArcaMax

This event embodies the dictum: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Dear Amy: I have a friend I see a few times a year. Lots of times, in addition to bringing me a bottle of wine (so nice of her, albeit unnecessary) she gives me gifts related to health, to "prevent" colds and illnesses, or to shorten the duration of maladies. (I have a complicated health history.)

These are all medical quackery, nothing a doctor would recommend. They are usually "health"-type powders to put in water to drink, and often have some strange ingredients or unusually high levels of certain vitamins.

I have unsuccessfully tried to discourage her from bringing me these miracle cure gifts, even telling her that my spouse and I are not interested, but she brings the gifts anyway.

I must add that she and her husband are not doing well at all, financially, and I feel my friend should not be spending her money in this way.

I haven't had the heart to tell her to bring these unwanted gifts back home when she smilingly presents them to me, informing me how I will be helped by their anti-illness and curative properties. I have graciously accepted the gifts and thanked her, but I don't feel right in doing so.

How can I best handle this?

-- Ungrateful Hostess

Dear Ungrateful: If you don't have the heart to send these things back home with your friend, then accept her gifts with thanks -- and simply don't use them.

However, if you did have the heart (and the guts) to send these things back home with her, then you would likely end this cycle and spare her the expense and effort. You could say, "This is so kind of you. It's very generous. I know you care about me, but I won't use these things, so I'm going to send them back home with you. Seeing you is the only tonic I need."

Dear Amy: You missed one important point in your answer to "Worried Mother," whose med student daughter was groped by another student.

The young woman will be a doctor; she will see things that she will be required, by law, to report. She should consider this as part of her education, and she should report him to the school herself.

-- Mary

Dear Mary: Absolutely. "Worried Mother" should offer her the support and encouragement she needs to report this crime.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)