Nude portrait won't go on tour
Dear Reluctant: It took Michelangelo four years to paint the Sistine Chapel. Four years. You are not Pope Julius II, pushing the artist to complete her masterpiece. And she is not Michelangelo.
According to you, you seem to have happily invested time and money into this project, and were understanding when the artist said she could not complete it. In retrospect, it would have been wise for you to acknowledge this in writing -- that way everybody would be on the same page.
You are not obligated to accept and pay for this painting. Perhaps the artist can make back some of her own investment by selling the painting elsewhere. The only wrinkle is if you and your wife want a nude painting of her floating around on the open market.
You should say to her, "I completely understood and accepted it when you said you couldn't complete this painting. That was several years ago. We have totally moved on and -- as you can tell -- have no room in our Airstream for this painting. I'm not sure where the misunderstanding happened. We think you're wonderful, but ... this ship has sailed."
Dear Amy: You've advocated in your column for telling younger children about parents' previous marriages and divorces, but what about telling an adult child of a previous marriage and divorce, after 40-plus years?
My first marriage lasted less than a year. My husband was abusive and a drunk, and then after the divorce I met my son's father and got married.
His father never wanted me to tell our son, and now after 32 years together, we recently divorced. Should I tell my adult son?
I'm worried he will find out.
-- Two Times an Ex
Dear Ex: Yes, you should tell your son about your first marriage. Somehow, this aspect of your life became the property of someone else (your most recent ex). You permitted him to control a disclosure that belongs to you alone. And over the years, this brief episode somehow grew to assume the dimensions of a major family secret.
Being ashamed and embarrassed about an episode in your life where you essentially triumphed isn't proportional. I hope you can be proud of your story. Own it.
Tell your son. He may ask you a couple of questions, which you should answer truthfully. This likely means much more to you than to him, but you will feel better if you disclose it.
Dear Amy: "Madam X" (married) said she was behaving herself but was definitely flirting (with another man online).
What she is doing is kidding herself, thinking what she is doing is innocent. She is committing emotional adultery. She is letting another man come between her and her husband, which can only result in driving them apart. If she finds flirting so much fun, she should flirt with her husband.
-- Distressed
Dear Distressed: Well put.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
