Life Advice



Woman is torn between career and motherhood

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I'm a happily married woman with a great career, and I'm the breadwinner in our home. My husband does artwork for commissions, which makes him very little money. I'm happy with our arrangement.

The problem is that I cannot decide whether I want to have children.

My husband wants kids, but says he'll support my decision either way.

If we had them, my husband would be a stay-at-home dad while I returned to work. I think I'd be very happy with that.

On some days, I want nothing more than to have a child with my husband. Other days, I dread the thought of it and worry that I will spend too much time working when I have them. I have always been ambitious career-wise, and changing that would devastate me. I love working and I don't want to stop.

I'm nearly 30, and I have so many family members asking me when they can start planning a baby shower. I've also had plenty of people tell me that I am selfish for having such a big career when my mom is anxious for a grandchild.


Amy, I'm terrified of making the wrong decision. How do I make this choice? Also, and tell me honestly, am I selfish for loving my career so much and not wanting to give it up to have children?

-- Undecided

Dear Undecided: I fail to see how it is "selfish" for you to want to live your own best life, doing work you love and are committed to.

This question of whether you owe it to the world to have children is rarely, if ever, asked of men.


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