Assault survivor is traumatized by invitation
I don't want to cause drama, but I'm also worried that he has her trapped the same way I was.
What if she needs help and I'm too paralyzed by the past to do anything?
-- Paralyzed by the Past
Dear Paralyzed: I urge you to pursue counseling with an experienced trauma specialist as soon as possible. You need to find ways to cope with this unexpected fallout, so that it doesn't continue to impair you.
You are responsible for your own health and healing; you are not responsible for your friend. Your feelings of guilt will only complicate your own recovery, but this is something to discuss with a counselor.
You will tell your friend you can't come to her wedding. If you choose not to disclose this rape, you should convey, frankly, "I was in a relationship with your fiancé while in college that was extremely abusive. I cannot be in his presence. I am here to talk if you ever feel the need. When I was going through this, I was alone, and I don't want you to feel alone."
Given everything, I think it's guaranteed that your friendship will be severed, and this is yet another very unfortunate consequence of your sexual assault.
Dear Amy: I work in a very large office building with approximately 7,000 co-workers.
The building has one access point, with tight security.
It is time consuming to get into the building on the best of days.
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