Woman wrestles with tempting attraction
Please, can you suggest what to do?
I have a feeling I should just tell her and see what happens, but I am scared that she might hate me if I reveal my feelings.
I am just torn and tired of this feeling. I'm sad that I can't tell anyone.
-- Need Closure
Dear Need Closure: People in happy marriages often encounter other people who they feel sexually and/or emotionally attracted to. It is easy to fall like this when you are away from your quotidian spousal, parental and professional responsibilities, working in a faraway place toward a shared goal.
If you want to continue in your marriage, one way to cope with your attraction is to recognize that the connection with your life partner is the primary and most important one in your life. The ability to make choices is one of the privileges of being a mature human; the choice to commit fully to your partner is both unselfish and ethical.
In terms of disclosing this attraction to the other woman, before making your decision, you should ask (and answer) the age-old question: "What purpose would it serve?" If it would serve the greater good for you to communicate this -- honestly and authentically -- then you should.
If you are struggling with your sexuality in the larger context of your life and marriage, you could disclose and explore this with a compassionate therapist.
Dear Amy: My sister is toxic. She holds grudges against our parents and continually brings things up from years ago. She has encouraged me to be spiteful and mean to our mom, like she has been.
Last year there were several incidents in which she went quite overboard with her behavior and did not respect boundaries. I then decided that I cannot continue having a relationship with her, and told her so.
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