Older woman thinks she is a Mrs. Robinson
I have phoned, written and texted her, but never get a response. She has blocked us from her Facebook and Instagram accounts.
What can I do to reach her and try to bring her back into our family?
-- Broken-Hearted MIL
Dear Broken-Hearted: You have tried mightily to bring your daughter-in-law back into your family fold. She is refusing, and is communicating in various ways that she does not want to be personally involved with you.
So ... stop. Your tough job now is to find a way to cope with your discomfort about this relationship, without dwelling on your daily heartbreak.
You and your husband should attend an addiction "friends and family" support group, such as Al-anon (find a local meeting through al-anon.org).
In addition to learning about the complicated relational ramifications of your son's addiction, you will also learn valuable, life-changing lessons about creating and respecting boundaries and -- most valuable of all -- how to accept those things (and people) you cannot change.
Dear Amy: "Upset Mom" was losing sleep because of squabbles between her adult children. Why do parents interfere and intervene in these relationships? I'm sure it doesn't help.
-- Wondering
Dear Wondering: My theory is that parents get involved to allay their own anxiety about these relationships. Essentially, they are intervening so that they will feel better, even if intervention is only a short-term fix.
========
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
