Do disadvantaged parents deserve warm winters?
You should draw a boundary around your own choices, but also dig deeper to try to see what is really eating you. If you felt your mother didn't do enough for you in childhood, then maybe you should tell her. She might then see you as an ingrate and stop wanting to spend time with you.
A better and more emotionally healthy response would be for you to realize that your folks no doubt made mistakes, but at some point you should be willing to forgive their mistakes, even if you have no intention of compensating them.
Dear Amy: I learned today that one of my son's grandparents is facing a serious and sudden cancer diagnosis, with a poor prognosis.
This woman is my ex's stepmother: she has been in my son's life since the day he was born. She and I had a warm, cordial relationship while my ex and I were together.
I have not seen her since my ex and I ended our relationship almost 12 years ago. Our son is now 20, so our co-parenting has long since dwindled to minimal contact. My son sees his grandparents several times a year, however.
I am shocked and obviously very sad at this news. I would like very much to send her a card or letter, ideally to communicate that she influenced my life with her sense of grace and served as quite a role model.
I have no idea how to go about this, or even if it's appropriate in the first place.
How would you start the wording on such a letter? Do you acknowledge the prognosis? Is it simply too late?
-- Sad
Dear Sad: I am truly surprised at how often people inquire about whether it is appropriate to express their affection toward someone they care about.
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