Life Advice

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Friendship falters over dangerous liaisons

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I recently ended a treasured friendship that I believed would last a lifetime.

We're both 40 years old, but late bloomers. While I got married and had a baby, she got divorced and bought her first place alone. The first thing she did was begin inviting people she'd met over the internet into her home, dating married men, and seeming to lose all moral boundaries.

At first, I just decided not to bring my daughter to her house. Then she continued to invite strangers to her home. Some of them are admittedly still married, others just admitting to still sleeping with their "separated" wives, and some have asked her to be STD tested (which offended her). She discussed everything in front of my toddler.

I decided that this is not the kind of person that I want to continue a relationship with. Also, I'm raising a child who will look at my friendships for guidance and clues on healthy behavior, and I don't think this is it.

I've highlighted her dangerous behavior and she has stated, repeatedly, that she does not worry about herself at all, does not care if she's harmed, and she does not see how this behavior could affect my family. I cannot continue to give my worries to someone who does not care for herself.

I have explained to her that we're at an impasse and I no longer want her in our lives. Still, I miss our previous friendship. Have I made the right decision?

 

-- Former Friend

Dear Former Friend: You've laid down non-negotiables -- about your friend's morality, no less -- and now you are experiencing the consequences of your choice. So is she.

It is natural to miss any relationship that ends, even if you end it. If you had continued to tolerate behavior you consider intolerable and ended the friendship later, you might miss this person a little less.

Some people go a little crazy when they find themselves single and living independently. They do dumb and sometimes imprudent or dangerous things.

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