Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Ghosted friend struggles to cope at church

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: Two years ago, a very close friend of 20 years ghosted me. I called, texted, and emailed her and didn't get a reply. When I ran into her weeks later and asked for an explanation, she said, "You have nothing to apologize for" -- yet she couldn't compose an explanation because "it was too horrendous and hurtful."

To me her statement contradicted my not having anything to apologize for. There was no incident before the ghosting, so I truly did not know why she has behaved this way.

She concluded by saying, "I think we should go our separate ways."

I stopped going to a performance series that she, a mutual friend and I attended together because it's a small audience and seeing her would bring up my hurt. She continued to go, so it seemed that she felt this issue was resolved.

I've run into her a couple of times since then. She didn't seem embarrassed. I feel terrible.

Now she's joining my church, so I'll be running into her now and then. If she'd join the church she knows I attend, she apparently feels no awkwardness.


I'd rather not even acknowledge her when I see her, but that seems inappropriate in church. I've thought about talking to a clergy person but expect the counsel would be to forgive. Maybe I haven't forgiven if I'm upset again, but she wasn't on my mind much until the expectation of seeing her arose.

If I stay away from church events, I'm acting like a guilty person, but I don't know what I'm guilty of doing.

But I don't want to have any kind of interaction with her, even a chat during coffee hour. So, Amy, how do I handle this?

-- Hurt Ghosted Friend


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