ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My husband and I have a good relationship, but last night a small argument spiraled out of control.

I told him that it makes me feel anxious when our lawn is the last one on the block to be mowed. Such a small thing, I know, but his response really got under my skin.

First, he said that if I really cared about the lawn, I wouldn't have asked him to drop by the store on the way home. I wasn't asking him to mow last night, but was just expressing my feelings about it.

His response made me feel like he was questioning my feelings. I wish he could have just said, "OK, I understand. I'll do it tomorrow" or even, "My back is really hurting me tonight; but I'll get to it soon" or SOMETHING other than his snide comeback.

I felt like he was gaslighting me. I told him that he was gaslighting me, and that is when things spiraled.

He called me an "ass," slept in the basement, and this morning he emailed me a list of websites that define gaslighting. He rehashed our conversation, point-by-point, to emphasize how wrong I was about everything. He also asked for an apology.

I wasn't trying to name-call, but I really did feel like he was gaslighting me.

I haven't apologized, because I feel like this is manipulative behavior. Now he's saying he's not coming home tonight. Am I totally in the wrong here?

-- Gaslit?

Dear Gaslit?: My understanding of "gaslighting," which comes directly from the suspenseful old movie "Gaslight," is when one person basically drives another person crazy by actually creating a false reality, and then convincing the person that the false reality is true.

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