ArcaMax

Dear Amy: After 25 years, my marriage reached a dead end, and I took the leap into singledom at age 63.

I am now a vibrant, attractive divorced woman with a lot to offer. I look forward to spending the next chapter of my life with a special man.

In the last year I've dated two men -- both loving, age-appropriate companions -- who claimed to want a long-term relationship. In both cases, their interest level was high at first but fell apart later.

In processing these failures, one issue stands out: I am blessed (or cursed) with a high libido.

I've bought into the idea that men are eager to get naked. Imagine my shock at finding the tables turned! Many times, I've been in a state of anticipation, only to have my lover say, "Sorry, I'm not in the mood," triggering rejection, crushing self-doubt and frustration.

Expressing these feelings can backfire horribly; likewise, suggestions to help him "get in the mood."

Older guys apparently are extremely sensitive around the issue of sexual performance. I've been told devastating things like, "I feel oppressed by your neediness," and, "Maybe you should find yourself a young stud."

Amy, I want an equal partner. In any case, younger guys want women even younger than they are.

Now I fear that the next time I get close to someone, I'll need to tamp myself down, but I absolutely hate the idea. I believe that sexuality is one of life's greatest gifts, meant to be shared.

Am I unusual, or have I just not yet found the right partner?

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